“Hey baby, good morning.” He smiled with eyes half open..
”So good it feels to wake up to u everyday u know!” & placing his phone back on his heart..he anticipated her reply.
“So does it for me…” He shared the smile he contemplated on her face on the other side of the conversation.
And a ping, “You know i dreamt us together tonight.”
His felt blissful, connected…as if he was really a part of her…so connected that they dreamt of each other at the same time and shared the same warm dream. & he frantically replied, “Really..?? Me too. 😀 ”
“You too 🙂 ”
“& what did you see in the dream?”
“Well i was in my home. & i had a huge fight with mom & dad. I started crying out of anger & ran into my room, locked myslf in my room. I felt so bad. All those shouts werent goin out of my head…n when i turned back u were sitting on my bed.
I dint know how u happened to be there..but you were just there. N i ran into your arms.. it felt so good ..you see..
N u told me to wipe my nose off ur shoulder n hide my face in your chest… Soon all the shouts turned silent n i lay there with my ear over your heart. listening to your heartbeat..! It was soooo good you know.” He dug the phone in his chest as if he was embracing her through the phone.
“Arent you missing some part of the dream?” With an expectant grin , he replied.
“IDK.. What? 😛 ” the Bewildered answer was the end of his joy. He wished her eyes could see as well, what his heart had felt in just his magnificent dream.
‘Perphaps our hearts are little apart’
“Nothing.” He was a little disheartened for she hadn’t seen it all may be..
“& what did you see?” & there he was, smiling his heart out…tossing & turning in his bed in d early morning, embracing a serene dream & now throwing his arms around his angelical reality ..his love…his only heart with eyes wide open.
“Oh. I’d like to keep all the joy to myself in dis.”
“Are you going to do this now?”
“Yes indeed. The one i saw is too big to be shared in words. I might tell you about it when am actually there..!”
“Ok . Fyn. 😦 ” between those sweet messages & conversations, all they ever wished was to be before each other every moment. Their hearts were weary of dreaming about the other part of their own hearts. Tired of the worldly consolations and excuses their sorry minds made to justify this distance of the two fragments of the same heart.
They wished they could bring down the collosal wall of pride & walk together through this unknown thorn-lands of sorrows which had aggravated into this eternal distance. For in real , the real world of the two ever loving hearts was tatteredat the hands of storms of fate..misunderstandings.
Their bittersweet love continued, everyday thrusting their soul deep down the hell…they now knew what it meant to dwell in heaven & hell at the same time.
“But baby if something about me hurt u…please let me know…i’ll bring down every wall…every change in me u want…just say it. I want to…i love to change for u…become everything you want me to be. ”
“Why say that ? I dont want it.. i dont want anything really.”
“But heart…all i want is to give u the best of everything in this world.”
He had read the reply to this conversation million times over. & it was always followed by a breaking sound inside him. They both were so consistent- her target at his heart & its shattering.
She was loving a minute ago. & seemed standing in the doorway with her bags packed & about to leave….or rather throw him out.
He fought back the urge to yell; choked & smothered his heart in the back of his mind so not even a squeal could escape & bravely replied, ” but i do, & if i am the one u want to be with , i have to be perfect for u. I just dont want you to compromise.”
And a saddening smile he pulled on waiting for no more heartbreaks.
‘Its almost five years now. & every day the more & more deeper i fall, the more distinct you get. How did i lose you when i never went away? Did she let me go? Why did she? She says she loves me.’
the buzz of the phone moved him.
“I dont want to be with anyone. I just want to stay alone.” Inside he felt like a scared child screaming and looking for his mother’s chest to hide in, so that all of it could go away. But where would he go, where shall he hide his beating heart from her who dwelled, breathed , lived inside him entirely. He was her anchor in pain.
“Its Ok heart. I am always there for you as long as you want.” If dreams and thoughts could permeate through this world & reach her then he wished even his prayers might…the prayers of a beaten heart asking his master to stop.
& men could really cry, not like women though. But they did, when all hell broke loose.
‘Did she ? A minute ago she wished to leave!’
He thought to himself.
“You too baby. Always. Tc”
” 🙂 :* ”
“wenever whatever u feel like. Just let me know, and dont worry …your heart’s shall be done. Wherever you are happy …i am happy ”
And these words muzzled through & hit her heart. Her soul felt paralyzed by the concern in his words. She couldnt bear any more lashes at her heart , neither could she see him so choked. She paused over it for a beat, sucked in a large volume of air, shook her head and left the conversation.
“Why are you doing this to me & to yourself?” He wiped the moisture off his eyes. They were flooded with wet pain. Typed the question he so obviously wanted to ask, but thought not to send it.
& Easing out of the uneasy conversation he began pondering on the series of events that had brought his soul onto gallows.
‘Can i undo this all? Can i bring her back as she used to be then? Happy and cheerful, warm and comfortable…! Was this really a day, a reason, a moment to go? Was this her final communication to me..? Or does she want me to stop loving her ? Why should i? Why would i? ‘
He curled his lips fighting his tears hard that even behind the four walls of his room they dont come out.
They had never before..everytime she had been cold in past. But they knew not to stop, one by one , wetting his eyes they oozed out searching for answers to his questions…and his unheard prayers to the very love …the only master of his soul he called his lord…who had apparently deserted him.
His hands made into a fist as he launched it into the wall.
‘Have i lost her forever?’
He knew not, just as ever before.